I am feeling very low now... I just don't really know what is happening between me and my family. I seem to feel alienated at my own home. I don't feel like i am close to them any more, especially my two sisters. I have been feeling like this for quite a loong time, and i just thought it wasn't much of importance; so i put it at the back of my head. Until today. Well, i decided to pour out my thoughts here.

No one in my family read my blog, at least, as far as i can observe. So they wouldn't really know what is going on with my life.

My grandma had a habit of pulling out my bed and pillows before she went to bed. I never ever told her to do so, and i really deeply appreciate this small show of care. But of course, being me, i didn't really show my appreciation. I always seem to carry one expression at home, moody and reserved. Why? I wish i knew...

Apparently, this seems to piss my sister off (older one). So when my grandma took my pillows from the bedroom, she asked why i couldn't take it myself. And the way she say it.. i really feel like smashing my laptop into her face. Knn so rude...

This commotion attract the attention of my Mom, who after talking to my sister, summoned me into the room. She asked me (10001 times), do i have a problem, and why i behaved like a stranger in the family.

Basically she said that being the eldest son, i am the second in command of the family. I would be responsible for the family after they pass away. And that i should talk to them (sisters) more often. She say, last time everyone was happy but now we seem to drift apart. Sigh...

There is nothing wrong with my family, but somehow i feel detached from them... I even had the urge to run away and live by myself once i had the means to do so... Sigh..